so on Monday i cooked fochaccia (idk if i spelled it right) bread. On thursday i made apple pie- i sorta failed on that one since i mixed sugar with salt :P and today i made cheesecake and chocolate chip cookie

all of these i made from scratch! (im not trying to brag) im just really happy because i never imagined that i would actually enjoying cooking/baking. even though most of my stuff failed but im really happy that i tried.

honestly, if you continue comparing yourself to other people (in an unhealthy way), you will never be satisfied.

this is something i have yet to learn, but one day, i will learn this and be happy with who i am :)

there’s always so much i think about in my head at a certain point where i’m like “okay i hafta remember this to write it on my tumblr” but then i always forget, so i end up writing pointless posts..like this one.. SIX MORE WEEKS until i am DONE with high school..goshh i’m so excited.. kinda terrified by what’s out there but im happy to leave this place, because i think i take too many things granted in this area and i don’t really know whats happening in another part of the world (or like another city) hahaha so yeah SIX MORE WEEKS. = 30 more days (excluding weekends) :D

im so frustrated. i feel like no one is listening to my opinions and my comments. I’ve talked to so many people and i feel like no one is listening to me, i just talk and talk and no actions come out of it. nothing. when i talked to P S and he didn’t listen to me either, but i realized later that he said he felt encouraged because i wanted him to talk more and he felt encouraged (although he ended up not) so i guess what i say doesn’t never be helpful. im just sometimes frustrated when i talk and no one is listening even though i think im trying to be helpful. but oh well.

im gonna fast tomorrow sun down to easter sun rise. this time i want to really focus on Christ, amidst the distractions/school/everyday life. i want to quiet down and focus on Jesus Christ; reflect on what He has done for me. please pray for me! :)

i hate writing essays. (especially for my Brit Lit class- but I’m talking about my writing classes outside of school). I hate writing essays because it’s really hard to start my thinking process and when to start typing. But when I start typing and I get a good idea forming in my head, i just can’t stop. i really love that feeling. :D

what i am looking forward from this day forward:

June 20th:It’s only been a couple of years, but it feels like a lifetime

June 22:FR; haven’t had one of these in a while

June 23rd: away from Cali and my first taste of “Freedom”! for like 2-3 months! :)

September ..whenever:new environment. new time. new place. start of something that i may remember the rest of my life

December 27:St. Louis baby! my first time at this :)

CANNOT WAIT! this year is wow.. just amazing. filled with many blessings from God.

alright sorry another one of these posts :/ but idk ive been thinking a lot and this is THE month where everybody gets heard back and stuff and i’m just really aggravated because its only one specific group of people its not even school friends. (thank goodness, i’m not sure i can handle both) but the other day someone got into uci and i was happy for her and her friend next to her, i was like “oh hey, how about you?” and she was like “oh no i didn’t get it :(” and i was aww its okay im sure you’ll get into better schools (cuz i know shes smart and stuff) and shes like “yeah i already have” im like okayy.. anyways so when we were in smaller groups i was asking everybody how was everybodys week and the same girl was like “oh i got into uci” and im like “really? what? then why did you say you didn’t” and here’s what she said: “you really think im dumb enough not to get into uci?” when she said that it dashed my hopes and it really made me sad. how can anybody say that? are you really that arrogant and really that prideful? going to a good college doesn’t determine what your going to be in life. id rather have a kind, humble heart than be someone who is arrogant and prideful going to an ivy league. people are superficial and they only look on the outside. God does not look at how many successful accomplishments you do. God doesn’t look at how smart you are, at how pretty you are, at how rich you are or how popular you are. God cares about the heart. I need to work on my heart above all else. Being successful may keep you happy, it may have other people adore you, but if you are not pretty on the inside and if you aren’t following Christ with your faith. then i really do feel bad for you, no matter how successful you are. Jesus Christ will come down a second again and when HE comes HE will judge based on your heart and your soul and your spirit, not based on your “successes” in life.

Sighh..sooo let’s just start that last year and especially this year, I’ve always felt really discouraged and my self esteem sort of was really low and I’m still struggling with it but its amazing what God does.Honestly going to my high school, surrounded by super smart people who are or are not necessarily competitive makes me really discouraged at times. This is one of the main things that I have seriously been struggling with throughout these 2 1/2 years in high school. I always feel like the dumbest especially in my physics class this year. I’m constantly being surrounded by really smart people. At times I just felt like sitting down and just crying and crying because I felt that I was never good enough. The grades I get, i would sometimes get really depressed and sad about them because I always tell myself that I can do better. I have no idea why I put myself in that position. I honestly have no idea. I know the classes I’m taking are already beyond a lot of ppl and i’m challenging myself by taking those classes. THe grades i get aren’t necessarily bad. I’m always worried about myself and always worried. Looking back, I was always constantly worried about my grades and even now i am! My self esteem gets lower and lower each time. I feel so sad just thinking about that. I mean, Jesus loves me, isn’t that enough for me? And up to the end, God is always still taking care of me. He brings miracles in my life. Miracles that I KNOW is beyond my ability. I doubt myself a lot. i get discouraged a lot now. My self-esteem is much lower now. But i need to learn. I need to learn to trust in Him completely. He loves me and that is all the matters. It doesn’t matter what other people think. I am here on this Earth to please God, not man. On Thursday, I received an acceptance. I never in a million years thought that was possible. I may have overestimated how hard it is since I tend to get discouraged because in my high school, it seems like it is really competitive and I always hear stories about how hard it is to get in now. and this may be true, which is why I think that this acceptance was truly a miracle. I still think that I may go to the another one (the worse one to many people) but you know what ? its not about the name. Today, this girl told me i shouldn’t go there and that she didn’t even apply there because it was embarrassing. I think that was sort of rude of her to say that (especially when she got rejected to a worse school than the one that she was talking about). I believe that wherever I go, no matter how good it is, God will be taking care of me and hopefully it is one step closer to becoming who He wants me to be.

So today is the one year anniversary of the Japan disaster. I can’t believe it’s been a year. I think that it’s really sad that so much happened to one nation in a matter of hours. So many victims were affected by something so devastating. 19,000 killed. 130,000 displaced. $309 billion loss. My prayers go out to the victims and the families who had a loved one die in the disaster and to the whole country.